Through

Several years ago, I was in a very dark place, and I decided to allow myself the darkness. I had grown weary of trying to pretend I wasn’t struggling...so I surrendered to this shadow phase, with the hope that I would find my way back to myself.

Truth be told, I watched a lot of movies during these weeks, most of them focused on the apocalypse. (Please continue dear reader, it gets better.) It took me some time to realize why I had settled on something as horrible and unsettling as a dystopian future. With the help of some self inquiry, I recalled that the movies I had enjoyed the most were the ones in which the main character dreamt of what was before the apocalypse...trees and water, blue sky, birds. I realized that there was something so beautiful in their memories of what had been: an earth that was vital and alive, a life that held joy and family and sunshine and plenty. And because I was blessed to be living that reality, I felt better. And although my heart was broken, I had before me all I needed to heal, to surrender my pain, and fall back in love with life.

I often take the long hard road to insight...but I’ve found that there is significance on that road. There’s value in paying attention to our experience, finding patience and compassion along the way, and remembering that sometimes the only way back to sunshine is through the dark.